The Friday entries of "The Powder Room" are currently from a journal which I started when we found out our son was going to be deployed with the United States Marine Corps to Iraq. The journal was not written with the intention that it would ever be read by anyone else, much less published in any way. There are feelings in the journal that are deep and true and I wasn't sure at first I wanted to share them. But there are many sons and daughters still serving in our armed forces and I think it might be good to share "a mother's heart" with you what those other mothers may be facing. The entries are shared as a tribute to my son and his service to our country, and to all those sons and daughters who continue to willingly place themselves in harm's way for the protection and preservation of liberty.
Day 63 August 8, 2004
Emotions are such a hard thing to keep in control. I was so determined that this time Noah would not see me cry as he left.
My advice was short, "Do what the Marine Corps has taught you and do what Mom and Dad have taught you."
I managed to get that out without tears. I told him I loved him and that I would be praying for him and that he would never be alone. Then he and Alan were in the car and pulling out of the driveway.
It wasn't until I turned back from walking in the house to wave goodbye that the tears came. But then I have to ask myself why I am crying. I feel such perfect peace inside regarding his safety. Perhaps I am crying because it will be so long before we see him again.
But we go long stretches without seeing Marie and I'm not crying over that. No, the tears involve the fact that everything which involves our son is not only out of our control but also out of our knowledge base. We aren't suppose to know when they are leaving the country or where they are going. As a matter of fact, most of the time he is gone we probably won't know where he is.
With Marie, if she needed help, we could be there with her in three or four hours. With Noah, we don't even know where he will be.
With Marie, we chat with her two or three times a week and stay updated on her life. With Noah, he will be involved in things of which we will never know.
With Marie, she can visit us whenever her work schedule and her wallet allows her to. With Noah, we just finished the last visit in a long while.
Yet, what a great honor to have son serve our country. In a movie I watched last night, a woman told a man whose five sons were serving in the war, "Sir, what a service you have done for your country."
And his reply? "Not nearly enough, ma'am." Not nearly enough.
Years ago, women lost husbands and sons and brothers in the same war. People did without so much to aid the war effort. Here we have given so little in comparison. But what a precious thing to give. As Glen said, even if Noah were given the opportunity to stay, he would not. He is going to do his job. He is going to do something he loves. He is going to do something the Lord has called him to do. Who am I to argue with the plans of a God whose ways are perfect?
So, my precious son, go with God and may He bless you abundantly above all that you could ask or think.